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UNCLOS ruling on South China Seas: What happens next?
The UN International Court of Justice in Netherlands’ The Hague delivers its much-anticipated verdict today, addressing Beijing’s controversial ‘Nine-Dash Line’ assertions over the South China Seas. A...
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Beijing’s Office of Taiwan Affairs confident it can’t fuck things up any further
By BAI WAN Straits Correspondent China’s interest has boosted the Taiwanese flag industry BEIJING (China Daily Show) – As he prepared to lock up the office for the weekend, Beijing’s minister in...
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Ghost of Mao Zedong wanders Beijing in search of long-lost ideology
By GUI TOUTAI Supernatural Correspondent BEIJING (China Daily Show) – The ghost of former Communist leader Mao Zedong is still haunting Beijing 40 years after his death, multiple witnesses claim. The...
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Heavy smoker to quit Beijing
By KOF KOF Health Correspondent Zhao says Beijing is no place for old men, or young men. Or the middle-aged. Or women. BEIJING (China Daily Show) – “That’s it – I’m done,” exhales long-term Beijing...
View ArticleUber says China disruptive
BEIJING (China Daily Show) – Taxi-hailing app Uber is alarmed about aggressive tactics from competitors in China. Drivers have been poached, fundraising efforts sabotaged and its services maliciously...
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Nimble woman safely outwits able-bodied beggar
XIAN (China Daily Show) – Nimbly hopping forward to escape his small grabby paws, a young woman in downtown Xian today cleverly managed to escape the clutches of an overzealous young beggar. “It was...
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Foreigner embarrasses everyone by wearing qipao
By HUI JIA Foreigner Correspondent Ehrlich (left), in his preferred garb XIAN (China Daily Show) – A middle-aged American male caused widespread embarrassment Sunday, after attending a friend’s...
View ArticleGuy attending secretive government enclave thinks too many decisions being...
BEIDAHE – Too many key decisions at a top-secret government retreat are being made behind closed doors, an unnamed political aide told friends in Beijing yesterday. In the last few weeks, dozens of...
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Allegations of sexual propriety against senior Communist Party official shock...
By RONG REN Politics Correspondent BEIJING (China Daily Show) – Just weeks before a key Chinese leadership meeting, explosive allegations been leveled against a senior politician, claiming he treated...
View ArticleChina expert ready to make confident, completely wrong predictions
BEIJING (China Daily Show) – An expert on Chinese politics is preparing to make a wide-ranging variety of confident and completely hopeless predictions, it was announced yesterday. Garth Finklebaum,...
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Those Lu Wei corruption charges in full
Lu was considered “shady as fuck” even by Politburo standards: Source Beijing has denounced its former cyberspace czar Lu Wei as a “typical two-faced man” who “severely polluted the political ecology…...
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Chinese billionaires sing and dance at Politburo Christmas party
By XI WIZ New Era Correspondent The Man in the Iron Ma: In an emotional Yuletide plea for forgiveness, the Alibaba chief begged for mercy BEIJING (China Daily Show) — A procession of Chinese...
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‘China not to blame’: China
By HU MI Diplomacy Correspondent Officials at the Ministry of Defensiveness meet the press BEIJING (China Daily Show) – China should not be blamed for something, officials today confirmed, cautioning...
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China to reopen next week as Qing-style authoritarian shopping mall
By WEINI PU Dynasty Correspondent Thousands of Chinatowns are planned for the national mall, in which security guards will only speak Manchu (BEIJING) — China’s State Council has announced plans to...
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It’s Started, People! President Xi Jinping Stabbed a Waitress to Death at...
Two attendants serve tea to a pair of attractive male delegates at the 2016 NPC, during which no one died All Chinese people love the “Two Sessions” period, in which unelected officials from all...
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‘Woke’ teen realizes that entire world engaged in plot to contain China
A library similar to where Jin woke from his 17-year nap SHENYANG (China Daily Show) — Raised in a rural backwater, high-school student Jin Sun, 17, has only recently realized that the entire world...
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‘Our mousetrap is open,’ Xi assures markets
By XIA DA Economic Correspondent Xi added that this was a real nice company you got here, and it would be a shame if anything were to happen to it BOAO — China’s economy welcomes foreign investment,...
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So it’s come to this? Remembering the ‘New York Times’ China bureau (1852-2020)
Following a controversial headline in the Wall Street Journal, and an overhaul of state-media visa requirements in the US, Beijing began expelling top journalists from newspapers including the New...
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China successfully halts spread of truth
By YANGXING RENSHI Pandemic Correspondent WUHAN (China Daily Show) — Beijing has declared “complete victory” in its battle to bury the truth about the Covid-19 virus in mainland China. Community...
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Chinese Wolf Warrior ‘absolutely hopeless’ at fighting: Classmates
By LANG HAIDiplomacy Correspondent BEIJING (China Daily Show) — On Twitter, he’s a self-styled “Wolf Warrior”: aggressive, paranoid, and thoroughly annoying. But former friends say Zhao Lijian, the...
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